Three Questions to Ask Before You Get Offended

Somebody is going to do something today that offends you. Maybe they already have. Before you decide what to do about it, here are three questions worth asking first.

1. What actually happened, versus what am I assuming happened?

It’s easy to fill in the gaps of someone’s motives with the worst possible explanation. They didn’t respond to your text, so obviously they’re mad at you. They didn’t say hello, so obviously they’re being cold. Most of the time, we’re not responding to what happened, we’re responding to a story we made up about what happened. Before reacting, separate the two.

2. Is this something I can overlook, or something I need to address?

Proverbs 19:11 says it’s actually glory to overlook an offense. Not everything requires a conversation. But there’s a real difference between overlooking something and just swallowing it. If you can genuinely let it go without resentment building underneath, let it go. If you’re going to keep score, you need to have the conversation instead.

3. Is it possible this is on me?

This one’s uncomfortable, which is exactly why it’s worth asking. If a pattern keeps showing up in your relationships, it’s tempting to conclude everyone else is the problem. Sometimes that’s true. But sometimes the common denominator across every hurt feeling is you, and it’s worth being honest enough to check.

Offense is going to show up. That part’s out of your hands. But you get to decide, every time, whether you take the bait.