Still Choosing You: Why Lasting Love Is More Than a Feeling
Falling in love can happen in a moment. Building a love that lasts takes a lifetime.
Most of us remember the excitement of a new relationship. There were butterflies, nervous conversations, and the anticipation of seeing one another again. Everything felt new and exciting.
Those feelings are wonderful, but they do not remain at the same intensity forever. Eventually, ordinary life arrives. There are bills to pay, children to raise, work to finish, dishes to wash, and disagreements to resolve.
Our culture often treats the fading of romantic excitement as evidence that a relationship has failed. If the feeling changes, we assume the love must be gone.
The Song of Solomon gives us a better picture.
By chapter six, the couple has experienced attraction, longing, pursuit, intimacy, distance, and conflict. They have seen each other at their best and their worst. Yet after everything they have experienced, the husband looks at his wife and says:
“You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners.”
Song of Solomon 6:4, ESV
He still sees her. He still notices her. He still delights in her.
That is mature love.
Lasting Love Is a Choice
The most important question in a mature relationship is not, “Do I still feel exactly what I felt in the beginning?”
You probably do not. You have changed. Your spouse has changed. Life has changed.
The better question is, “Am I still choosing the person I chose in the beginning?”
Mature love wakes up each day and says, “I choose you.”
I choose you when you are at your best and when you are at your worst. I choose you when life is exciting and when it feels ordinary. I choose you when we agree and when we have to work through a disagreement.
That does not mean ignoring serious sin or remaining in an abusive situation. Abuse is not an expression of covenant love. If you are being harmed, seek help from trusted leaders and qualified professionals.
In a healthy marriage between two people who are growing in Christ, covenant love means refusing to treat the relationship as disposable.
Keep Seeing the Good
Familiarity can cause us to stop noticing the people closest to us.
We may still believe our spouse is beautiful, faithful, hardworking, or kind, but we stop saying it.
“She knows I love her.”
“He knows I appreciate him.”
Perhaps they do know, but words still matter.
Mature love does not simply recognize beauty once. It keeps looking for it. Look beyond physical appearance and notice character, faithfulness, kindness, sacrifice, humor, courage, and spiritual growth.
Then say what you see.
Do not save your kindest words for a funeral. Say them while the people you love can hear them.
Covenant Love Asks a Better Question
Early love often asks, “What will this person do for me?”
Mature love asks, “What can I give?”
Song of Solomon 7:10 says:
“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.”
This is not ownership or control. It is the language of belonging. It reflects two people who have given themselves to one another within a covenant.
A strong marriage cannot survive if both spouses spend their time keeping score. Someone must be willing to serve first, forgive first, listen first, and take the first step toward reconciliation.
Christians can love this way because Jesus loved us first.
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8, ESV
Jesus did not wait until we deserved His love. He pursued us, sacrificed for us, and remained faithful.
Our love will always be imperfect, but His never is.
We will change. We will age. We will disappoint one another. We will laugh, cry, celebrate, grieve, forgive, and begin again.
Through it all, mature love continues to say:
“After everything we have been through, I am still choosing you.”